 Building a ‘Good Relationship’ storyHearing about an event from a really good storyteller can feel more exciting than being there yourself. And if you were there you start to wonder how come the storyteller had so much more fun than you did? It’s about what you choose to notice and how much weight you give to things. The good storyteller has got into the habit of noticing the aspects of a situation that make for humour or excitement. The act of noticing helps the storyteller to feel the excitement more, and to remember it.
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 Talking up the good stuffWhen someone compliments you, is your first thought, “What do they want?
”If you feel surprise and maybe a touch of suspicion when the people close to you let you know they like you or they admire what you do, it could be time to take stock of your assumptions  Change-friendly RelationshipsWhen your nearest and dearest is struggling to change, is it their successes you notice, or their failures? Is there anyone out there who hasn’t tried to change? Who hasn’t been on a diet or given up smoking? Who hasn’t resolved to keep their temper, or to stick up for themselves better, or to be kinder, or firmer, or more outgoing?
 Gang up on your problems, not your partnerDo you and your partner have the same argument time and time again.? Are you tired enough of doing it that way to try doing something else? You can probably predict the situations that set your argument in motion. Maybe it always happens when your parents visit, or when your partner drinks, or takes up a new interest. Maybe you’re thinking that if you just avoid those situations, everything will be hunky-dory.
 Let the Good Times Roll Handling difference constructively is a great skill for partners to develop. Respecting and enjoying each other when you’re not at odds can be even more important. After all, what are you having the relationship for? You may need to struggle through some hard, hurtful and boring bits. You might learn and grow through doing this, but generally it’s the feel-good things that make relationships attractive.
 Facts & theories about relationshipsWhat makes the difference between a terrific relationship and a miserable one? Experienced couple counsellors share their wisdom. We have a look at what relationship researchers and writers can tell us. About Relationships That Work  What Do We Know About Relationships That Work?What makes the difference between a terrific relationship and a miserable one? Experienced couple counsellors share their wisdom. We have a look at what relationship researchers and writers can tell us.
 Couple DisagreementsAlmost all couples (78%) experience some ongoing disagreements according to a survey conducted by Relationships Aotearoa. “Even in the happiest, longest lasting of relationships, couples disagree,” said Hilary Smith of Relationships Aotearoa. “And most people do learn to deal with them.”
 Relationships SurveyNew Zealand couples are thriving, according to a nationwide relationship survey conducted by counselling agency Relationships Aotearoa. The on-line survey of 1,000 New Zealanders, conducted by AC Nielsen, shows 82% place very high importance on partner relationships and 64% find them very satisfying.
 Listening to your partner“It makes such a difference when you really listen and hear what your partner is saying,” says Kerry Babbage, experienced Relationship Counsellor. People like feeling understood and accepted. You don’t have to agree with someone to offer that. Focus your attention on how important this person is to you. If they are important, then it follows that how they feel and what they think are important too.
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