Committing Parenthood

Committing Parenthood
You want a baby? Would you settle for a nice dog? Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe mortality just snuck up and tapped you on the shoulder. Or maybe you’ve always been keen on having kids and you just forgot to mention it. Now you find your partner is appalled by the idea. Your take on kids can seem so fundamental you just assume your partner shares it. Or perhaps you always knew you disagreed about this but you figured your partner would come around to it in time. Of course it’s useful if y...
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Relationship is in trouble

Relationship is in trouble
“I had no idea we were so unhappy” So you’re wondering what will warn you when your relationship is in trouble. Is there a distress flare to signal when you can ignore a relationship glitch and when it requires your undivided attention? What ever you and your partner tangle about, it’s the way you do your disagreeing that tells you how deep a hole your relationship is in. American relationships researcher John Gottman can predict which couples will split up. He’s right over 90% of the...
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Commitment

Commitment
“What do you mean does our relationship have a future? We’ve got a date next week haven’t we?” Commitment can be a spiky word in relationships. Some people seek it as a goal in it’s own right. Others back away from it as if it bites. If you and your partner have different ideas about commitment you might find yourselves standing on shaky ground. You might feel swamped or constrained by commitment. On the other hand, you might feel exposed and vulnerable without it. Your reaction probab...
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Cheating Partners

Cheating Partners
Even if I take you back, it will never be the same. The denials are done. The excuses are empty. The blaming is bruising and bitter. Your gut is churning. You don’t want to believe it. Surely this can’t be happening to you. You were such a great couple. Weren’t you? Even if you were bored silly sometimes. Even if you were irritated. Even if you were sometimes tempted. You never thought of yourself as a cheat. At the time it seemed so natural, so right. Now your partner looks at you ...
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Loyalty and Lust

Loyalty and Lust
If it didn’t mean anything, why did you do it? You say forever. You mean it. After all, this is true love. Faithful is what you are. It’s a delight not a duty. Even when the chemistry quits running the show, being together is great. This is your best friend, your biggest fan. Loyalty is a real treasure. You discover it in some of your worst moments. Like when the doctor tells you the news isn’t good or when you lose your job. When the tough stuff is happening and your partner is there ...
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Affairs

Affair
Affairs Talking family values is one thing, putting them into practice is quite another. Politics has reached a new low and the recent dramas should leave us all with a sense of shame. Do we vote for people to engage in personal mudslinging in parliament? Do we want to purchase publications that print gossip better left in a gutter? No, I don’t think we do and those who acted in ways the general public find distasteful may find themselves lumbered with a set of unintended consequences. ...
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Partner’s Behaviour Concerns

Partner’s Behaviour Concerns
Partner’s Behaviour Concerns It is commonplace these days to hear talk about how couples separate because they are not prepared to work on their relationship. Interestingly, the trend for us to divorce in ever-increasing numbers started in the late 1800s which, using this logic, tells us our great, great grandparents didn’t work hard enough on their relationships either. What a relief-we can blame them! In all probability, societal changes which have supported the right of women to be more...
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Listening With Your Heart

Listening With Your Heart
Listening With Your Heart A look of terror on the face of the person in front of you and a sense of dread as your panicked manoeuvres make little or no difference to the inevitable impact. Unfortunately, this describes the moment just before I crashed into another car a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately, it didn’t describe a collision in my relationship. Relationship collisions are a lot like car accidents. People don’t read the signals or notice what is happening, and then the crunch come...
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Stress, the Relationship Killer

Stress and Relationship
Stress, the Relationship Killer By the time Sunday evening arrived I was decidedly grumpy. This was a big shift from the ‘high as a kite mood’ that Saturday delivered. After almost two years of house renovations I could see a dream nearing realisation. The vision turned me into some sort of demon. I wielded the paintbrush at the speed of a Samurai Warrior’s sword in battle. My mood changed, growing darker with the fading light. Things went wrong, I felt tired of painting, renovating and th...
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Relationship Checklist

Relationship-Problems
Use these guidelines to contrast  a healthy relationship with one that’s at risk. When your relationship is working well: You like each other and you say so. You keep your friendship warm and lively. Complements and encouragement are plentiful. Criticism is not what you’re there for. You give each other credit when things go well. When things go wrong you put it down to bad luck or a mistake rather than your partner’s deliberate effort to hurt you. If it matters to o...
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